“Life appointments. No experience necessary.”

 

Trump appoints Supreme Court justices the only way he knows how: with a swimsuit competition judged by Don Jr., loyalty oaths recited under a gold-plated crucifix, and a dramatic reading of Mein Kampf: Graphic Novel Edition, illustrated by a former Jan. 6 rioter on house arrest. 

 

Contestants strut down the Mar-a-Lago runway to Kid Rock covers while promising to criminalize empathy, privatize wombs, and overturn whatever amendment annoyed Trump that morning. The winner gets a robe, a gavel, and lifetime power over a country they openly despise.