And it came to pass, in the time of Late Night, that Stephen of House Colbert did speak against the Orange False Prophet.

 

And lo, the lords of Paramount, fearing lawsuits more than truth, did offer tribute unto the Beast, settling their sins with silver and silence.

 

And the comedian was cast out from the temple of CBS, his desk shattered, his band silenced, his monologue replaced with branded content and reruns of NCIS: Iowa.

 

Thus it was written: “Ye shall not mock the grifter, lest ye be replaced by AI, a cooking segment, and a series they actually greenlit, Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies. For the network hath forsaken satire and now worships content without conscience, plot, or pulse.”