The 700 Club: Civil War Reloaded

“Now with 100% more smiting.”

Back from the grave and worse than ever, Pat Robertson’s digitally reanimated corpse returns to primetime, now rendered in high-definition AI with none of the original soul and twice the bigotry. 

Each night, he delivers a glitchy, undead sermon from a throne of Liberty University diplomas and melted assault rifles, explaining why Jesus loves voter suppression, hates induction cooktops, and would personally bulldoze public schools if given a tax break. 

Expect fire, brimstone, and the occasional buffering error as his AI ghost blames natural disasters on drag queens and stumps for theocracy with the fervor of a corrupted chatbot with eternal damnation access.